We have this thing at our church. Whenever a young woman heads to the alter, the ladies of the church shower her with gifts and solid advice. Last night we gathered again. Several of the married lady offered Lindsay, the blushing bride-to-be, wonderful, biblical advise. By the time it got to me, there wasn't a lot more I could add. So I didn't. I took a little different approach. I decided to give a light-hearted "what not to do" list. So, here goes. . .
Top Ten Clues That Your Impending Nuptials are in Trouble
10. Your favorite song has always been, is now, and will forever be, “Let’s Talk About Me.”
9. You think the perfect recessional song for your wedding is the old, favorite hymn, “Sound the Battle Cry.”
8. In honor of your Great Granny’s favorite church song, your first dance will be to the tune of “The Fight is On.”
7. Your new favorite book on your night stand, written by Ms. Alwa Say Neva, is entitled, “1000 Ways to Say No.”
6. You plan on offering many burnt sacrifices for dinner to shame your man into taking you out.
5. You start a file for all the wedding gift receipts so that returning the goods for cash is easier if this marriage thing doesn’t work out.
4. You feel a sudden urge to sign up for a macramé class to convince yourself tying a knot is a good thing to do.
3. As soon as he says “I do,” you plan on asking him to change more than his dirty underwear.
2. When asked, you decline picking up a broom, stating that you wouldn't want steal his mother’s sweet ride.
1. You are convinced that the better in “for better or worse” is another name for you. The “worse?” Well, isn’t that obvious?